I first have to blow off some steam at my New York Yankees. I've been pretty silent about all this shit so far but the outrage has slowly been building to a boil and now I'm set to blow.
First up, I must give a great big FUCK YOU to the most worthless piece of shit General Manager in all of sports, Brian Cashman. This mother fucker is an absolute fucking joke and if King George was still alive and well, he would have fired this clueless loser after this absolute horrific, laughable off season.
The off season is always a time most Yankee fans including me look forward to. Sometimes even more than the regular season. This off season was to be no different but thanks to the hapless Cashman, it's turned into a nauseating winter.
It was all but certain Cliff Lee would be a Yankee. Yes, Cashman offered him the most money but obviously he didn't seal the deal. Cashman's philosophy is always just to throw the most money at who he wants. But it doesn't always work that way. You've got to sell it to the players that New York is where they should be and with Cliff Lee, Brian Cashman failed miserably.
But the whole Cliff Lee fiasco was proceeded by the utterly laughable resigning of Captain Overrated, Derek Jeter. The Yanks supposedly drew a line in the sand with an obscene offer of 3 years/45 million to a player not one other team in baseball wanted anything to do with because of his age and obvious declining skills.
But Captain Selfishness dug in even harder and did not accept the ridiculous offer. The Yankees at that point should have told him to get fucked but instead raised their offer even more. Yes, raised their offer. Next time I go to buy a new car and nobody else wants to buy that same car, I'm going to offer the dealership ten thousand more for it than their asking in honor of the Yankees stupidity.
Then after the deal was finally signed that stupid son of a bitch who's always been as overrated as it gets, ripped the Yankees in his press conference saying that he didn't appreciate the fact that the team made the negotiations public. Awwwwwww, poor little pecker head. The mere fact that we're stuck with this choking asshole for four more years makes me want to fucking wretch. A total waste of a roster spot and another botched deal by Brian Cashman.
So while the Yankees were fucking around with the old washed up has been, the Boston Red Sox were reloading with the likes of Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford. We didn't have any need for Gonzalez since we have Mark Texiera but Carl Crawford would have been an absolute jewel. But no, we had to make sure the washed up bastard was resigned.
So after Cliff Lee, Jason Werth and Carl Crawford were all gone, someone in the media asked what Brian Cashman would do to respond. His response, "we need to be patient". Hahahaha, utterly laughable. We see what patience gets you, asshole.
The logical target would be Royals ace Zack Greinke who is on the trade block but the Yankees have concern on whether or not he has the ability to pitch in The Bronx. Oh okay. But then they said they would target hot head Carlos Zambrano who even the Cubs don't want. Yeah, that'll do the trick. I'm sure he has what it takes to pitch in New York. Pitiful.
So then we turned the attention to the bullpen since Kerry Wood has left. The rumor was that the Yankees would sign former White Sox closer Bobby Jenks. So I get home that day and check the computer and find out that not only did we fail to sign Jenks but we let him go to BOSTON. I was so fucking irate, that I literally felt like my eyeballs were going to pop out of their sockets.
And before I go on, I never want to hear any Red Sox fans EVER complain about the Yankees trying to buy a World Series. These guys do the same exact thing and maybe even more so. I can only imagine the total outrage there'd be around baseball and in the media had the Yankees acquired the likes of Gonzalez and Crawford in the same off season. Utter hypocrisy.
So then I saw where we'd now turn our attention to former Rays closer, free agent Rafeal Soriano. Now that got me excited. He could set up Mariano for two years and then be the closer for years to come. A truly great signing if it happened. Hours later I read that the Yankees are out of the running for Soriano because they do not want to pay closer type money for a set up man. Again, I go through the fucking roof. Since when have we turned into the Royals or Pirates?
So as of right now, if Andy Pettite decides to retire our starting rotation consists of CC Sabathia, Phil Hughes, AJ Burnett, Ivan Nova and Sergio Mitre. My God, the Red Sox have got to be sitting back lauging their asses off at this buffoonery. UNBELIEVABLE!!! And don't even get me started on the absolute laughable, deplorable infield defense on the left side between the two most overrated and overpaid SOBS in sports, Alex "A-Roid" Rodgriguez and Captain Mediocre Derek Jeter. Let's just say there ain't going to be too many dirty jerseys from those two ladies.
But Brian Cashman keeps raving about how much he loves our outfield. Huh??? Brett Gardner, Curtis Granderson and Nick Swisher? That's some great outfield? It's decent at best but far from great.
If the Yankees are going to have this kind of piss poor attitude, let's just pull a Florida Marlins and have a fire sale. Let's dump Posada, Tex, Cano, Jeter, ARoid, Swish, CC and Mo. Why the hell not, this roster doesn't stand a snowballs chance in hell of getting to the playoffs so why not really save some money and start over.
And when we start over, let's start at the top and get rid of Brian Assman. Puh-leeeeeeeeeeze.
On to better news, it's been windy as hell and pouring rain for two straight days now. I could not be happier. Well yeah, I guess I could if the Yankees would ever pull their heads out of their asses.
On to much better news. The Boston Celtics are once again the beasts of the NBA. Clearly the best team in the league, we've won 12 in a row currently and have done so with Kendrick Perkins, Shaq, Jermaine O'Neal, and Delonte West sitting on the bench with injuries. And now even Rajon Rondo, the only cute black guy in the world, in street clothes with nagging injuries. Semih Erden, who is blog favorite Limittest, has filled in admirably for the hurting big men. Nice job Semih! Ooops, I mean Limittest! Do your team mates know you love teasing women's pussies?
Now on to the best news. Black coach Randy Shannon of the Miami Hurricanes is FIRED and they now have a white coach, Al Golden. I know nothing about this new guy but I can assure you he's a vast improvement. For the past few seasons, us Canes fans have had to watch a black quarterback and a black coach. Not exactly a recipe for success as the pitiful record would prove. So long Randy, don't let the door hit you in your black ass on the way out. LOOOOOOOOOSER. Oh, and can we please end the black QB experiment now???
I have been doing some thinking and I have decided to reinstate Andrea to this blog. Keena is really making her pay for that prank she pulled on me on the Tease and Denial Queens and I feel sorry for her. I fully forgive Andrea for what she did and when she is allowed to start getting back online again, I want her to know she has a home here and if I win the ADM election against Keena I will immediately add her back to that blog too.
Mistress Jen ordered a new and even more secure chastity belt for me a couple days ago. Great, just what I needed. I don't even need a chastity belt because I would never cheat behind Jen's back, no matter how desperate I was. Nonetheless, a new CB is on the way and apparently Keena will use this one on Andrea. So maybe Andrea's New Year's Day orgasm may not happen after all.
Okay, I guess I've blown off enough steam now, so on to Nonsequitur's favorite part of the update, CELEB FEET!!!
Susan
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| Reese Withersoon |
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| Sophia Loren |
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| Claire Danes |
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| Liz Hurley |
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| Glenn Close |
