Mistress Jen told me to make this announcement because it is highly likely I will be unavailable for blogging for an entire month. My regrettable and inexcusable actions this past Sunday will not go unpunished and I deserve it.
As you are fully aware if you have ever read any of my posts, I am very passionate about sports and that I also have a quick, violent temper. This past Sunday the two coincided and I am totally ashamed.
When it became apparent on Sunday that the Patriots were going to once again choke like dogs in the first round of the playoffs after posting one of the greatest regular seasons ever, I snapped.
When the Jets scored a touchdown to go up by 10 points late in the game, it was clear that the Pats were going to lose and I totally snapped. As I was watching the game I had been drinking a cup of hot Peppermint Tea and as soon as the Jets scored that TD, I threw the ceramic Patriots mug that Jen had recently bought for me right through the screen on our TV.
The entire screen shattered and there was even some smoke coming from the back of it when I did this. The TV was relatively new and a 60 inch flat screen HD. The shock of seeing the screen shatter into pieces before my very eyes should have been enough to stop me but it didn't.
I was screaming unspeakable obsceneties at the top of my lungs, calling both the Patriots and Jets every name in the book. Jen came running in to see what the hell had happened and she got very angry when she saw it and heard me. Instead of calming down, I started yelling at her at the top of my lungs and even called her some horrible names.
To top it off, I tried going out back but our screen door has been coming off the track a lot lately because one of the small wheels is broken. So it jumped the track when I tried opening it. This outraged me even more and I ripped the screen completely off the track and bent the whole thing so badly it can never be used again. I also kicked over a potted plant on the patio, which by comparison was very tame.
As I fumed around out back and walked off my outrage, I began getting a sinking feeling because I knew I had just made an incredibly ugly and loathsome scene in front of my new Mistress and I had insulted and hurt her badly by shouting at her.
She had seen me like this on occasion when Andrea was my Mistress. Most of the time Andrea would just ignore it or punish me in some minor way by not letting me watch sports for a while. But I knew in my heart that Mistress Jen would never let me get off that easily.
I was already crying when I went back inside but it did no good. Jen was fuming but under control. She told me that there would be hell to pay for this episode and she'd speak to me in the morning. She made me sleep on the couch Sunday night and I expected to hear her punishment for me in the morning.
But the phone was ringing early Monday morning at 6am. It was my mom, informing me of more bad news, the worst I've ever had. Though it was no shock since she has been on her death bed for weeks suffering from cancer in her spine and a secondary brain tumor, my beloved grandmother who was 86 died Monday morning around 1-2am.
I will be going back to Fresno for another Rosary and funeral later this week. Jen was very supportive and caring for me all day Monday. I stayed home from work to mourn. There was just no way I could get on the radio and act cheerful. I've now had five deaths of people close to me in my family in the past five years. Each ranging from 83-91. They were in order, my great Aunt (83) complications of Alzheimer's) , my grandfather on my Dad's side (88) cancer and stroke complications , my great Uncle (87) severe dehydration and natural causes, grandfather on my mother's side (last week) (91) massive stroke, and now my grandma (mother's side) (86) causes already stated.
The other deaths made me sad but nothing like my Grandma's. Next to my own Mom, I loved her more than anyone on earth. In some ways I was closer to her than even my own mother. In return, everyone in the family has always known that from the moment I was born, I was her favorite person on earth. She could never hide the fact and while it caused major jealousy amongst my cousins and their parents, I proudly wore that title of her favorite person.
When I was a little girl in elementary school she would come and pick me every day after school and watch me until my parents came home from work. Yes liberals, my parents, like me work for a living unlike the majority of you losers. And by the way, when I went to elementary school, it was a full fucking day from 8-3:15pm, M-F. None of this early release shit, half days and one "Teacher's Day" after another like today's complete joke of a system.
When we'd get back to her house she'd make me a huge dessert of either a hot fudge sunday with several cherries on top or a big bowl of that orange and white checkered 50/50 ice cream. I enjoy this at her house while watching Scooby Doo at 3:30 and Super Friends at 4pm on KMPH Channel 26.
Sometimes we'd go ride bikes together and a lot of times she'd hit whiffle balls for me in the back yard. She loved me so much and the feeling was very mutual. She was my favorite and always will be.
I've never spoke at a funeral before despite the fact that I'm a public speaker that has spoken to live audiences of thousands and speak to much more than that on the radio on any given day. But Friday I'll be speaking at this funeral in glowing terms of this wonderful lady that I called "Nana".
I was unable to see her in the final days but my mom said she kept saying "Is Susan coming today"? or "Tell Susan I love her". The last time I saw her was on Christmas. She was still pretty cognitive but in a wheel chair. We ate at the Steak and Anchor in Fresno and I sat right next to her in a huge round booth. We joked around and acted silly like always.
One thing I loved about her is that she was one of the few to understand my sense of humor. While most of you probably wonder what the hell posses me to write stories about Nonsequitur, describe women in my celeb feet updates by saying "Christina Ricci - has over ten trillion dollars in the bank" or Nicole Kidman - first black man to ever swim across the Indian Ocean in less than 36 hours". My grandmother understood that kind of humor and understood me better than anyone.
One final thing I'll say about my grandmother is that she flat out made the greatest sandwiches I've ever had. You've heard me rail against Subway for having small, tasteless shitty breadwiches, and prop up places like Jimmy John's, Togo's, and others for having good sandwiches. None compared to my grandma's.
She did nothing special to them but they were unreal and anyone who ever tasted them would ever dispute this. She used Roman Meal bread, mayo, mustard, ham, turkey, cheese and lettuce. But whatever in the hell she did was amazing. She'd always make these sandwiches so neatly and she always cut them in half horizontally. Before serving them, she'd always wrap them neatly and tightly in waxed paper. Oddly enough, her sister (my great aunt that died in 2006) made the second best sandwiches I've ever had.
But I loved my Nana so very much but I have not cried for her. I know she's no longer suffering and has joined my grandpa who died 8 days earlier in a far better place than anything on this earth. I will miss her terribly but I am confident that I will see her and my grandpa again some day beyond the grave.
The thing I am most proud of, is that since becoming a Christian in 1998, I witnessed to them on several occasions when I'd visit them. Being Catholics, they knew very little of Jesus or how to be saved. Believe me, I grilled it into them and I know they were saved. I grilled into their heads every time I either seen them or spoke to them on the phone John 3:3, unless a man is born again he will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
At first they thought it was all so complicated but I also drilled into their heads Romans 10:13 "Whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved". I got on my knees in my backyard one Autumn night in my back yard after watching a half hour show of the Power Team with John Jacobs and accepted Christ as Lord and Saviour. I know I'm so far from perfect it's not even funny but the blood of Jesus will wash every single sin I've ever comitted or will commit as white as snow.
Okay, I have gotten way side tracked getting into this thing about my Grandma and that was not my intent. It's past 11pm, I'm sleepy so I'll get to the point. My actions Sunday were disgraceful and even I have no defense for them. It was a spur of the moment thing but that doesn't excuse it. I made an ass of myself, disrespected Mistress Jen profoundly and destroyed an $1800 television.
I knew I'd have to be severely punished and I will be. Tonight after dinner Jen sat me down and went over my punishment that will begin soon. First of all, I will not be allowed to watch another sporting event for the duration of 2011. I think that's for the best any way since I have no control of my temper when watching them.
Jen is also making me take an anger managment course that I will have to pay for in full. Bur worst of all, I will have to spend one entire month living with Bonita and that will take place the entire month of Feburary. Bonita will drop me off at work in the morning and pick me up after work.
I will only get to see Jen twice the whole month and Bonita will choose the time and dates of the visits in which there will be no physical contact. Basically, it will be like I'm going to jail for a month without charges being filed. I'm sure I will not be allowed phone calls or to get online so you'll likely not see me for an entire month.
Beyond these punishments, I don't even want to think abiut what impact my horrible actions will have on my orgasm or the chance of getting my car back. I'm sure I've done nothing to enhance the odds of either. It is still up to Chivonn about my car and I don't know if what I did will have any influence on her decision. I hope not because I'm absolutely sick of driving the heap I'm in now and miss my car terribly.
In closing, I want to acknowledge that my actions on Sunday were indefensable. I also acknowledge I have a problem and will be getting professional help for it in addition to having to fork out a couple thousad dollars for a new television. I shutter at the thought of being away from home and at Bonita's for a whole month but I accept my punishment because I fully deserve it. I truly hope that after I can put this incident behind me with the financial restitutions and punishments along with mending fences with Mistress Jen, I will be a better person for it. I know I have to be and will accept nothing less from myself.
Susan the Loser
