The Devil rejoices in his destruction
Long time no post from me here. I'm still licking my wounds from the beat down I took in the ADM election. I'm still bitterly disappointed that I received so few votes. I guess it proves the doubters right when they say that had I had to face Bonita in the General Election in March that I would have never gotten to be the ADM. I think they're right. I don't know exactly what the deal is, I've treated everyone with a great deal of respect for years now and still I continually get rejected soundly. I think I had more respect when I was a controlling, hateful bitch which by the way was almost entirely an act.
Well, I got the shock of a lifetime a few days ago and believe me this is not one of my jokes. Susan was ready to leave me for someone else. And I mean, literally ready with bags getting packed and the whole nine yards. I thought she was gone for good and who could really blame her?
I know Susan wants and needs a loving yet very cruel and controlling Domme and girlfriend and I simply haven't delivered in a couple years or more. I really think a lot of it has to do with being diagnosed with MS. It made me feel worthless and anything but an in control person. I think it actually made me more submissive.
From the first time I saw those two very young girls playing bondage and tickling games when I was a young girl myself, it was always my first desire to be the submissive. When I saw that poor young girl tied to a tree with her arms bound high getting tickled, I went right home and got myself off over and over.
But after I met Susan and started tying her up and tickling her I liked that too and it's so obvious that Susan craves submissiveness so that became our roles. I had always hoped we could trade roles off and on and we did but I always knew Susan was unhappy as a Domme so I never made her do it again and instead began subbing to others like Jen, Miss Melanie, Kirstie, Debra, Keena and even Bonita.
Susan was and is perfectly fine with me exploring my submissive feelings with these women and even encourages it but what she was not fine with was me largely ignoring her and never being her Domme. She came to the incorrect conclusion that I had become only interested in her feet.
This of course is not true. I love Susan with all my heart and I can't even imagine life without her. I honestly don't think I could go on. I know being with another woman is sinful but I can't ignore my feelings. I made it perfectly known to Susan that she's the only true love for me.
So Susan and I are staying together and I know I must improve on my performance as both a Domme and as a girlfriend. The latter even more. I know if I screw up once more that there's someone else that will take care of her and I'd rather die than see her with another.
We did have a long talk and set some ground rules. First of all, things will remain the same with Shannon being in charge of her orgasm until she hands it over to someone else. If Susan has her bday orgasm, which at the moment isn't looking promising, she will hand control of her orgasms back to me and I'll decide where it goes next. If she loses, as expected, she doesn't cum and then Staci gets control.
Susan will also continue to get sent to Bonita's, Keena's or wherever I or Shannon or Jen feel appropriate to discipline her. One thing that is now off the table is the possibility of Shannon selling Susan's car. I will allow Shannon to continue deciding what car Susan does drive but selling her good car is not happening.
While stepping up as a Domme to Susan, I am free to continue to sub to others, though only Keena has agreed to do it since I was DX'd with MS. This of course really upsets me. As I stated, I have more than likely had MS since my early 20s, it just wasn't diagnosed. Everyone loved fucking me up then and I survived so what's the problem now?
Susan has also given her blessing to one thing I've become more and more anxious to try, having sex with a man. If I decide to do it, it would only happen once with the guy from work that I'm sweet on and will ONLY happen if I win that coin flip after Jan 1st. I stand by my promise that if I lose, my days of anything sexual at all will end as soon as I find out I have lost. No ifs, ands or buts. My pussy might as well be bronzed at that point because it will be retired forever.
As the big day grows closer, the more and more nervous I am about it. I've gone to having 50/50 feelings about it to being about 90% hoping I win. I kind of wish I would have never agreed to it but I did and it's too late to change my mind. I can't even imagine what the first few moments would feel like if I look down to see the coin has landed on tails. OMG! Talk about your heart dropping! *pounds head on desk*, why oh WHY did I get myself into such a mess?
Many other things were discussed with me and Susan and it was a cleansing talk. We really got our feelings out in the open and I really look forward to a better relationship. I need to pay attention to her whole body and not just her feet! She's a beautiful woman and to say she has a great rack is a huge understatement. And yes, I tell her that when she's in the shower not to wash her feet with soap. I want them as stinky as possible and she more than obliges, bless her heart... and feet. :P
I know Shannon didn't want this blog updated until after Susan's vote but nobody has even voted here anyway. For the record, she has six NO votes on the Tease and Denial Queens blog. Just two more and she's fucked. Umm, well, actually unfucked. Whatever!!! I might even surprise her and vote NO.
On to the stinky stuff...
Amber Tamblyn
Katherine Kelly Lang
Maggie Q
Renee Zellweger
Hillary Duff
